The mindset

Once upon a time, my mind used to convince me that whenever you get focused and committed about something, you win or end up having it. Whenever I heard people talking about failures they had, I thought it was because they were not being real about them, not being focused, or not planning how to do them. But in the end, I’ve got a different taste.

  

In fact, I won’t be blamed for that, because most people believe what they don’t know but testify to what they experienced. I was so lucky to be part of the population that got this chance to testify about it. Here is what it is:

 

At first, I had strong beliefs that working hard pays off, but this was not true. Instead, working smarter pays everything. We don’t need to push every day or get stuck in one way to reach success. We need to plan, adapt, and accept the changes that we encounter and find new ways of adapting to these changes. Without this, it would be so rare to find something that matches all our plans. And once something changes, we directly fail.

 

I always believe that better days are coming, whether I am in a good or bad mood. Whenever everything falls into place, I do appreciate and move. And whenever things hit differently, I call it a bad day, not a bad life, and move on. No matter how hard the situation is, no darkness can stay forever, and no pain can live for eternity. We should always bring our minds back to how blessed we are because there is always something to be grateful for.

 

They say, ‘’at the middle of difficulties lies the opportunity’’ but I don’t believe in it fully. I believe that in this busy world where time is running out, opportunities lie in connections. I can testify that on many occasions, people were saved by who they knew rather than what they knew or did. Although it may work, it doesn’t imply that it is the formula for everyone. What makes the difference here is who you know and what he or she can offer.

 

I saw many failing, things getting worse than they should because they just pushed far. They are giving another shot to things they know it is time to let go of. As far as I get, sometimes it is better not to look back, as it holds scars on our life stories. It’s better to train our minds not to take most of our problems seriously and not to understand everything, as it saves us from mental problems. You know what? Life isn’t funny, a joke, or serious at all times, and what makes sense is that it is worth living. This is because what’s happening today is far different from what’s next.

 

About relations? Things hit differently.

Honestly speaking, all the relationship stories have their own way of hurting, and nobody else can understand the pain you feel, no matter how connected you are or how deep you go in explaining the case. These things of attachment, feelings, appreciations, and regrets are always personal, although people burst at their own extent of experience. I don’t really find good ways to express how it feels because people face things differently.

 

As far as I know, most 20-year-old relationships are scams. And when you come to people below the age of 25, I call them occupations. Let’s not mention below 20’s because it sounds funny listening to comedian stories. Moving on, the most serious person in every relationship is the last to heal.

 

No matter who made the most promises, spent more, nurtured more, or did much or little, here is what I really know. The least serious person is the one to fall for someone else after the breakup, and it doesn’t take a long time to reveal it. It’s nothing to regret but to thank God for, as the more time you spend together, being more serious would hurt more in the breakup. And it is another chance to meet the real one, as what doesn't kill you teaches you that a broken heart in real life isn’t what it sounds normally; it takes spells of sleepless nights now and then, but between times it lets you enjoy life and dreams as if there were nothing in the matter with it.

 

On the side, we have to be mature and understand everyone, but don’t be blind to the truth. We have to digest the saddest reality that people can’t offer what they don’t have and stop expecting loyalty from cheap places. Stick to our beliefs and avoid overplaying our role in people’s lives. Be good enough to find a solution for everything rather than making excuses. Be wise about triggering the problem, because sometimes people suffer their consequences and blame others. Be brave to understand that the family we make is far better than the family we come from, as it is good to love, better to be loved, but best not to be played. The pleasure of love lasts a moment, but the pain of love lasts a lifetime.

 

The light and darkness of love highlight each other. Without facing bad moments, you can’t realise good moments. Whenever you feel guilty, just remember that you’re not bad; there is something bad inside you to get rid of. You can change that thing, but you can’t change yourself. In the end, we only regret it not lasting but appreciate it happening.

 

Most people don’t get it, but it is what it is. Every man is loved for what he offers, how to offer it, and when to offer it. Whereas the beauty of a girlfriend is her face, the clothes she wears, the friends she keeps close, and how easily she gets what she wants, the material beauty of a wife is her mind, heart, attitude, and social cooperation. This is why people date for more than a few years, and it ends in breakups. Therefore, we have to keep the standards high and don’t settle for things just because they are available.

 

Author: Didace BANAMWANA

E-mail: banadidace@gmail.com

Tel: +250780346480