Dear Heaven Angels

I don't know where you are right now; did you see me getting awake? I'm trying to hold myself back just because I’m not mad at anyone. These tears aren’t for joy or cooperation at all. I'm just stuck, as that’s what happens when I fall.

 

 

Every time I tell myself it’s fine and smile, I wish I could see you for seconds. I don't know what to say right now; maybe I should get some sleep, but closing my eyes won’t close the case anyway. I’ll keep fighting my heart and emotions just to make you smile, but I am not real.

 

 

My tears are still betraying me, and I can’t hide them, though I say everything is fine. I don't know how you see me right now—am I being brave, weak, or strong? I wish you could answer.

 

 

I’ll be in denial of my tears for the rest of my life, just to make you proud. But even though you told me nothing, what about the plans you made for me? I won’t lose everything, but at least I’ll let you see that I can win.

 

 

It’s bad that I'm getting disorganised just thinking of you. I know that you always wanted me to get better until I was the best. I’m just acting strong, though I am betraying your wish. And all the negativity around me isn't just because I am weak, but because I miss you.

 

 

I'm trying to fix myself just because I'm the kind of person you want me to be. Dear Heavenly Angel, am I making you cry? Oh no, I just want to make you smile. Maybe in this case, I am the problem, as I can’t hold things tight and positive. It’s not your fault that I can’t be what you need.

 

 

I hope I am not burning your hopeless dream, which I can’t know. Is there any chance that I can talk to you? Please let it be in your dreams, hold me for a second, and let me feel you back. Let me get that feeling that anyone can’t gift me.

 

 

Sometimes I stare at the sky just to feel how much better it could be when you were around and find myself crying. Despite the mood, will I joyfully cry when we meet again? Everybody taught me to be faithful, strong, and more, but nobody told me to be real. This hurts more because I know you were the one to I can feel you stopping your snowman from crying. I can’t.

 

 

When I miss you, I close my eyes and am with you—not close, but only one heart beat away. When I need love, I cry because I know there is so much love that could keep me warmer than this. It’s not easy when the road isn’t a fan of your drive. I won’t travel my life, and I promise this world won’t take place without your smile.

 

 

Let me photograph you in this life in case it is the last time to remind me exactly like we were before we realised we’re getting old without jewellery like you, a light to show us the warmth, and the shelter called your love to keep us safe.

 

 

For the first time, I knew you were far away; they told me you went overseas. I cried, but now I get that angels can’t fly away with me.

 

 

I just don’t miss you; I miss being with you. Find someone to keep you safe and funny. I hope you are happy without me, but don’t be happier; wait for me🥹. 

 

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"It's not much of the life we’re living; it’s not something we take; it’s given randomly till you get to know you had something better than others. Funny are the broken ones, but I'm the only one who gets this.

 

When you never see the light, it’s hard to know which one of us is carving. Everything makes us feel like we can’t live without them, even though they’ve already gone.

 

You gave us something we couldn’t live without. We are just being cool and being kind. There is so much space between us."

 

 

See you again, Angels 🫂.